Saviana Stanescu 

GOOGLE ME

I had to move into another language

Mine was too small to poor too lazy

Too beautiful but self-destructive

In an old-fashioned romantic way

The words grew to fight with each other

And die on cyber battle fields

Defeated by the God of Internet

And the American Dream always reborn

Out of the ash of our daily nightmares

Google me! Google me!

Everyone I know googles me now

Google is my proof that I exist

I think therefore I am?

No. I have a website therefore I am.

I actually don’t have a website.

That’s why I really needed to move into the

English language.

So people who google me can understand who I am

And what I am doing

On this noisy earth.

I called the movers to help me

No one answered

But I must say that

The voice of the machine answering my call was

really sweet

She said Thank you for calling Global Movers

You need a passport

You need a visa

You need to wait in line at the American Embassy

in Bucharest

You need to get up early

There are people waiting since last night

Sleeping on the sidewalk across the Embassy

You can’t stay on the same side

There are guards guarding

And you don’t have an American passport

So thank you for calling and try again

During our office hours

Although we don’t actually have office hours.

We are an internet company.

Visit our website you can travel wherever you

want

On our website

We are looking forward to your feedback

Write it down on globalmoversblogs.com

So why do I need to move at all?

Why do I need to travel?

There’s a McDonalds on my block in Bucharest,

There’s a cinema with Hollywood movies two blocks

away

I’ve got a laptop a DVD player an American

dishwashing machine

Everything is fine

Global Movers I don’t need you

I’ll just stay here in my small Romanian

apartment.

I’ll google everything and everybody.

I’ll live a full life

In English without subtitles

And I’ll never move

I’ll never talk

But I will have a funny screen name

Like Peaches-in-the-sun or Hole-in-the-flag.

DANCING WITH WOOLFS

    (OR AFTER HOURS)

hey Virginia

shall we dance shall we

make our bodies draw

spirals through the air

biting the space biting—

mares of the night

nightmares of the day

two cloned virgins

dancing with wolves

in a room a room of our own

at the hours of thought

reflections crammed like pickles

in a jar with the brine of our

liquid desires

hey Virginia

shall we think shall we

make our brains simmer

wounded harassed bruised

by transparent boomerangs filled

with unfulfilled love

and the pledge of future anger

dancing swirling intoxicated

by the rhythm of limbs in

motion palpable syntax of

words sentence of body parts

new language invented

by the soundtrack of flesh

ready to sing about

despair nothingness emptiness

big words too big yeah

it's high time for us Virginias

two cloned sisters

condemned to dance

with wolves

punished to live

for revealing how

Sisyphus's rock’n’roll

in a room a cold empty room

a blank screen

can kill the wolf and the woolf

may survive

FIREISLAND

“people are islands

fire-islands”

the old gypsy told me

reading my palm and shaking

her head

what a cliché I thought

she can’t read my palm she can’t read anything

there’s nothing written there

in thin lines on my skin

that was long time ago

I was 16 a great believer

in love that burns you to ashes

screaming “the end of the world”

the end of the world

but I’m still here and I’ve counted

a few ends and a few worlds

I’m here on the ferry to Fireisland

I took a weekend out from New York

I booked a room for two

what can I do

there are no single rooms in Fireisland

but there are wild deers and cats

and houses with strange names

I can choose

between Serenity and Crazy Cat

with the French version Chat Lunatique

it’s an easy choice it’s full moon

had you been here

I would choose the lunatic cat

but you are not here so I take my chance on

Serenity

I wear my blue sunglasses

and everybody looks blue around me

there’s a blue man with blue binoculars

spying the ocean and its blue love-making

with the shore

people are islands

fireislands

I find myself thinking and thinking

how true

SUSPENDIDA

I don’t know where I come from

I don’t remember

I don’t want to remember

I remember my name

ROANA. ROANA. ROANA.

That must mean something.

But what if

It means nothing

or something

that I forgot to pack in my suitcase

SUITCASE

valitsa valiza maleta

I can’t find the right word

I didn’t pack all my words

SUITCASE

It sounds nice and sweet

but it’s not

it’s heavy

it has my clothes and my memories in it

not very well packed

I am not sure

which is which

is that a dress or a memory?

alarm bombs fire screams 

alarm bombs fire screams blood

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I don’t like red, red scares me.

I like blue

the sky the ocean the curtains

in my room

before the war

before everything

BEFORE

Do you wanna know a secret? 

I can predict the future.

But no one ever believes me…

You believe me.

You want to believe me.

You don’t.

Yeah, it was a war in my country.

How can you tell?

I know, my wrinkles.

I packed them too.

I am a tree, you can tell

how many corpses I’ve seen

by counting my wrinkles.

People are plants.

They need light. Good light. Sun light!

beat

Corpses. 

Mom taught me to wash corpses.

Mom!

That man is gonna be dead very soon.

I need to touch his face

NOW when it’s still warm.

beat

I was a good student

in washing corpses

parts of their bodies still missing

gone on duty

suspended in the nothingness

lost vanished forgotten

emigrated to another country

of war trophies and hit targets

the country of martyrs and heroes

who’s who

nobody can tell

beat

I was 14

when I saw a man naked

for the first time

His penis erect

looking strange on his dead body

a man like an old temple

where girls were supposed to lose

their virginity 

with the statue of a God

a man like a god a dead god

I don’t wanna talk

about Gods.

Let’s talk about faces.

My first corpse 

to wash

had no face.

No problem. I draw him one!

I was still very 

optimistic and generous

for that age and that country.

Here’s the thing:

Faces get erased in a war. 

People are not people anymore.

In a war

People become numbers.

Robots. Cartoons. Video games.

Booooom-bazoom! Done. Exit. 

Start a new game? Yes. Click.

PLAY.

Washing corpses was like playing with dolls.

New dolls everyday.

What a gift. What a horror.

beat

I want to emigrate to America -

I tell mom one day.

That’s nonsense – she says.

America is too far.

Too different. Too foreign.

Too big. Too strong. Too rich. 

Too…

Another world.

Exactly.

I want out of this world, I say.

I don’t wanna die.

I don’t wanna be a corpse

and have someone else drawing me

a face.

I won’t let you draw me a face!

You have no talent.

Yeah. Da. Si. Ja.

I was too bold too dreamy too impudent

for that age and that country

And here I am

here I am

here I am

SUSPENDED

in a new net of new words

new worlds

I am an immigrant fish

in the sand-land

of land-lords and land-shores.

I want to remember

and I want to forget

everything

I’m learning to talk to

my new body

hand heria mana mano hand

fingers dahtila degete dedos fingers

toes daxila degete de la picioare dedos de los

pies toes

tongue glossa limba lengua tongue

hair mallia par pelo hair

eyes matia ochi ojos eyes

mother mitera mama madre mother

childhood pediki ilikia ninez childhood

suitcase vlitsa valiza maleta suitcase

travel taxidvo calatorie viaje travel

inbetween anamesa intre en medio inbetween

suspended eoroume suspendata suspendida 

SUSPENDED

in the new net of an old spider

without a face

I can’t draw faces anymore

I can’t see the sky

the buildings are so tall

they scrape the sky everyday

blue blue blue scrape scrape scrape

blue blue blue scrape scrape scrape

My tiny room has tiny windows

I can see

the walls the garbage the rats

SUSPENDIDA

my new name

is the beginning of a new old story

I don’t like blue anymore

I love only the colors

Of the skin

The colors that

breathe live exist

in this world

The forth world

where everything has 

the same name

my name

SUSPENDIDA